I'm Walking on Water

The Lord said "take courage don't be afraid"

Peter then replied, "If it is you Lord tell me to come"

"Come" Jesus said  and Peter jumped out of the boat 

And BEGAN WALKING ON WATER!

but....

he noticed the wind, it was so strong 

and the waves were so big and wait he was walking on water .... Oh my Gosh!

"Jesus!" he cried out frightened "Save me!"

Jesus reached out his hand and helped him "Oh you of little faith" he said "why did you doubt?"

I paraphrased Mathew 14:22-33.

I'm at the stage in my Christian walk where I decided to give up every aspect of my life to Him, family, work, school, relationships, friendships, the works. This I've discovered is easier said than done. I wrote in a earlier posting about being confronted about the control I wanted to have over my life, plans and goals I've made on my own without involving God. 

Well now I'm working on that and I feel very much like Peter without solid ground. 

The goals, plans and the back up plans I had felt like "solid" ground, it gave me purpose, something to accomplish; without it I feel as though I'm pretty much floating.

This floating is a strange state of being for me.

Theories I was taught spoke of me needing to take control of my life; spoke of me controlling my destiny. You see I was told I needed to plan and have goals to accomplish. So now going against these theories feels very off, or wrong.

Thinking back on Peter, and how he must have felt in that instant on water. I'm sure he felt very wrong and off himself, defying the law of physics and all. I mean people don't just go to the beach and start walking on top of the water.  I'm sure Peter could not believe he was in fact walking on water. He must have thought to himself, but this is not how the world works.

Now, for Peter to walk to Jesus meant he had to go against the world's knowledge, expectations and way of life. In the same way that what I am aiming to do in my own life, goes against the world's ideas. What I realized is that I was analyzing this using the world principles and felt like I sounded like an idiot. Hence why I felt uncomfortable with my present situation. But when I analysed what I aiming to do with my life using God's principles; I concluded I'm right where I need to be, fulfilling the purpose of my life.  

Another aspect of Peters situation that I noted was his fear, he held himself back with it. I too have moments where I do this, like any other person would.  I get distracted and begin to look at those around me and what the're doing with their lives and compare myself to them. Then I get scared and begin to question what I'm doing.

You see it is in these moment both I and you need to guard our hearts and fill up on God. It's then we need to stay focused.
Dis is di reasoning....You See what me and God doing is what me and God doing. Auntie, cousin, friend, uncle and granny don't have nuh  business in it; it's a me and God thing.
That is what I need to learn I need to stay focused and go to God.

Jesus is telling me to come, the same thing he said to Peter and bwoi I aiming to stay focused stay on course so I don't sink. Now that going take some upkeep, daily upkeep at that. Me and God going to have to reason eveerrrryday, I'm going to have to dedicate time and sometimes times to him make sure me and him getting on well.


On another but related note
Been watching a lot of ... from the Elevation Church.  Here is a link to a service, or what I think it is a service.
Watch it man
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9ovgRV9br0&list=PLFrHDxoEf4t2gfcFbK_0W9SofU2kdtkMd&index=6

So the pastor spoke about a heap a things right, but he spoke of a few things that I can see and apply to my own life at this moment and I'd like to share some of them in this blog.
Later I'm going to see more things I am sure of it but this reach me now; maybe you can relate.

The pastor speaks of two concepts that got me thinking. The first is strength coming with stretch and change coming with a challenge or cost. He explains strength or change comes with you spiritually challenging yourself; stretching beyond what you thought was your limit. 

The second theory was the mind catching up with your new reality. In this instance he spoke of your mind adjusting to the new situation your are in being saved and strengthened by God. You need to think past your own limits and past situations and begin to understand you new situation. You through God are limitless and worries of your past or not the worries of today.

What is your crutch?

What is it that you looking back on? 

As I typed that Lots wife came to mind when she looked back and turned into salt. (Genesis 19:26)
She couldn't let go of how she lived the culture. God was moving her family forward and she looked back and poof she turn into a pillar of salt.

Hmm....  Heh see because I not goin to turn into nuh salt... a joke.
Because I want more than what I have now I want a richer life, spiritually that is. Because I want a limitless life; I going to have to move forward into this new life. Almost as if I'm in a new region with its own culture and I need to leave the old life and old culture behind to take up this new one.

The thing is I am a new creation and old things have past a way  (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Old ways of thinking, old habits, old friends need to go if they not helping me grow in God and that's just the reality of the situation.  So when I sit here thinking bout how people would see me that not important and what I thought I should do that also is not important because I'm not who I was anymore.

I don't need the counsel and thought process of the world, I need the counsel of God. He knows best, he knows me to the T. He made me and he knows what he wants me to be and where he wants me to go. It is his plans I'm fulfilling and its all to his glory; not to the glory of my friends who I love dearly ;and similarly not to the glory of my family, who means me well. The thing is they are human and are limited in their capacities unlike God.

So hear what let me follow God with his unlimited love, knowledge and power. Thing is my mind just catching up and understanding the situation and I learning to not limit my self with my sight or societies thought and expectations. My mind adjusting little by little as pastor Furtick said I stretching man I'm strengthening, changing and it come at a cost letting go how I once lived and what I thought I knew.


Man dis exciting!!!!!......

He who trusts himself is a fool but he who walks in wisdom will be kept safe 
Proverbs 18:26

lol ya so a it dat.... Yup that's it thanks for reading :)

Judged.. Criticzed.. I dont control my life... Preparation

*Bits of Jamaican patois and slang sprinkled below 


I know I said I was going to speak about my lacking church attendance but hear what. I haven't been yet, why? I currently have some pink and black faux locs in and I really don't feel like being judged and criticized by the majority of the church in a place of fellowship for a hair colour. Me feeling  criticized and  judged would kinda defeat the fellowship aspect, I think.You see I'm from a some what rural area of Jamaica and based on my past visits to  a few churches in the area, I know I will be whispered about and gawked at. Cyaan bodda with dat. sigh

Alright so I'm gonna go a bit into the story of how I accepted Jesus, nothing spectacular but feel like this should be mentioned since it is a blog about my Christian life. Became a Christian when I was a a cynical 16 year old. As far as I was concerned God didn't exist and everyone was crazy but there was a Christian camp and it was a slow summer so I went to a church camp. One day one of the counselors said hey if you not a Christian you can just accept God and see what happen if you not partying, no difference if you lived a pretty chilled life why not just accept Jesus and see.  I am from a very quiet slow paced area so I was living a very very chilled life. In addition to that I was and still am sort of into social experiments and said you know what let me just try this out and see what all this madness is about. I did they had a worship session and me get bax ova. I mean I was on my knees bawling and a bag a pins and needles, prickly feeling going up my arms and legs I thought it was strange. sooo yeah that was the experience.

Looking back though I realise now I had no idea what I did that day, the are results are far reaching. You know God going to have a hand in every aspect of your life and you think yeah yeah sure  but when you see it happen its an entirely different thing.

 From that day my life twist every which way all the plans I had for my life what I going to study and life after school got SMASHED.
I thought I was going to leave school with a geography degree heh. Second year I failed EVERYTHING, geo and non geo related courses, I was wreck. For someone who prided herself in never having to be held back and passing through the various phases of school fairly easily I was distraught. WHO COULDA FEEL DUNCA DAN ME. *(no one felt stupider than I did) But it taught me something I am not in control of my life so I had to re-calibrate and do something else. To be honest I'm not sure if it was God wanted me to do but, hey he did get me some heap a A *(good grades). Cuz trust me heh it wasn't me, I not even sure how I get some of them A. So in my second year I learnt I was not in control of my life.  If it isn't in his will, I learnt then it wasn't going to happen.

I feel as though now I'm being reminded of this again. I mean cuz if I'm being real I wasn't focused on him enuh. I was thinking how I need a job, I look like a cruff have me degree and just deh deh, no bog job. I was thinking about how I restless, I need to be on the move. But God saying you need to move nuh, try move without me...  it not happening, you going do pair crap. *( just waste your time)
Mhm so to save myself the time and heartache I goin focus on God.

Im being prepared to do something, I not sure what but I feel like its service driven.

Feel like my life is God's chess board and him playing him game and moving all the pieces in the right place, in the right time. His time.



On a side note though. This verse, Gods word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path making a lot a sense at the moment been getting into my bible and daily time with God .... again.  It coming along bit by bit.

Yeah so a it dat,* (Yeah so that's it) 

Thanks for reading :)