Moon Light

Moon Light
Taken by Natatlie Thompson

Tuesday, 24 May 2016

Transitioning Whilst Self-discovering

Detaching yourself from theories ideals and beliefs you've learned in the past and are still being encouraged to follow today. These beliefs and ideals maybe outdated or just doesn't align with who you are right now.

It's been my experience that while growing up the thought

Hmmm ... how do I define myself ? 

Never came to mind. I didn't do a lot of thinking on the various components that makes me the being I then was. The herd mentality was in full swing; I aspired to be what others thought and said I should be, doing what they thought was for the best.

This began to change when I was around 17-18 after completing my C.X.C. examinations. I wanted out of the town I went to high school in. I wanted to be free of the expectations people had of me at the time. The only way I thought I could be free was to go where I thought people didn't know me; and so I thought, had no expectations of me. I, of course, found out that isn't how it works.

More recently, after some reflection I came to the realization that I no longer knew myself. Meaning the ideals and beliefs I once held as definitively true, I no longer thought to be so. In addition to this things I thought I would never do, I now could see myself possibly doing. The world was no longer just black and white, now included was a growing grey space. This space, I believe will increase the older I become.

It was after this reflection, I realised I was still living; or attempting to live the life others expected me to live. Trying to fit in the nice box and have what I call a ready made career and have that be it; just continue doing it till I die. Do something that fits in the box cause I can make some money doing that and I have job security. But that life sounds empty. It is also not as easy to obtain in this economic climate. That then means I would have to fight for that job; and if that is the case. Why not fight to do something I'm interested in?

On a side note I did in fact visit a church. I know it took me a good little while. This church however was very cult like.The "prophet" spoke about there not being a heaven or hell. Jesus' favourite colour being blue, but hating black and that all visions are visions from God.  Hmmm... since I have yet to see evidence of any of this in the Bible ... I'll call that visit a miss and keep looking.