Judged.. Criticzed.. I dont control my life... Preparation

*Bits of Jamaican patois and slang sprinkled below 


I know I said I was going to speak about my lacking church attendance but hear what. I haven't been yet, why? I currently have some pink and black faux locs in and I really don't feel like being judged and criticized by the majority of the church in a place of fellowship for a hair colour. Me feeling  criticized and  judged would kinda defeat the fellowship aspect, I think.You see I'm from a some what rural area of Jamaica and based on my past visits to  a few churches in the area, I know I will be whispered about and gawked at. Cyaan bodda with dat. sigh

Alright so I'm gonna go a bit into the story of how I accepted Jesus, nothing spectacular but feel like this should be mentioned since it is a blog about my Christian life. Became a Christian when I was a a cynical 16 year old. As far as I was concerned God didn't exist and everyone was crazy but there was a Christian camp and it was a slow summer so I went to a church camp. One day one of the counselors said hey if you not a Christian you can just accept God and see what happen if you not partying, no difference if you lived a pretty chilled life why not just accept Jesus and see.  I am from a very quiet slow paced area so I was living a very very chilled life. In addition to that I was and still am sort of into social experiments and said you know what let me just try this out and see what all this madness is about. I did they had a worship session and me get bax ova. I mean I was on my knees bawling and a bag a pins and needles, prickly feeling going up my arms and legs I thought it was strange. sooo yeah that was the experience.

Looking back though I realise now I had no idea what I did that day, the are results are far reaching. You know God going to have a hand in every aspect of your life and you think yeah yeah sure  but when you see it happen its an entirely different thing.

 From that day my life twist every which way all the plans I had for my life what I going to study and life after school got SMASHED.
I thought I was going to leave school with a geography degree heh. Second year I failed EVERYTHING, geo and non geo related courses, I was wreck. For someone who prided herself in never having to be held back and passing through the various phases of school fairly easily I was distraught. WHO COULDA FEEL DUNCA DAN ME. *(no one felt stupider than I did) But it taught me something I am not in control of my life so I had to re-calibrate and do something else. To be honest I'm not sure if it was God wanted me to do but, hey he did get me some heap a A *(good grades). Cuz trust me heh it wasn't me, I not even sure how I get some of them A. So in my second year I learnt I was not in control of my life.  If it isn't in his will, I learnt then it wasn't going to happen.

I feel as though now I'm being reminded of this again. I mean cuz if I'm being real I wasn't focused on him enuh. I was thinking how I need a job, I look like a cruff have me degree and just deh deh, no bog job. I was thinking about how I restless, I need to be on the move. But God saying you need to move nuh, try move without me...  it not happening, you going do pair crap. *( just waste your time)
Mhm so to save myself the time and heartache I goin focus on God.

Im being prepared to do something, I not sure what but I feel like its service driven.

Feel like my life is God's chess board and him playing him game and moving all the pieces in the right place, in the right time. His time.



On a side note though. This verse, Gods word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path making a lot a sense at the moment been getting into my bible and daily time with God .... again.  It coming along bit by bit.

Yeah so a it dat,* (Yeah so that's it) 

Thanks for reading :)

Awesomeness just beyond my finger tips

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Truthfully nothing big happened... yet. So this isn't about a grand event in my life, nope just some musings. Let me know if you can relate comment section below. Tell me I'm not alone!. Also leave a comment about ya general thoughts about life... why not?

Ever felt like there is so much more to life and it's all just beyond your finger tips. It is so close, you can see it, you can taste it; but no matter what you do you cant seem to just get pass the couple millimeters to get to it.  Its annoying right, a part of you are frustrated the other is dying of anticipation.

 Well that's at least how I'm feeling *shrug*

Here are some of my reasonings about the situation:

• What is that something/ awesomeness?  I'm not sure

• How to get to it? don't know

• Maybe what I'm feeling is the possible closer relationship I can have with God. I mean, if he is all powerful there would be a number of awesome possibilities there. Hmmmm...

• Is it all in my head?

Soooo, can you relate?

If you do, you might now be wondering as I am/was. WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT IT?

Hmmm... You know I don't even know. A joke *heh heh*.

Yeah so for real; I don't know for sure, but few possible ideas came to mind.

Alright yeah, as Christians, for those who are Christians guess the answer is simple we just chill and relish in the knowledge that all things are working for your good (Romans 8:28). 

Another verse that comforted me is the one that said he has great plans for me, plans to make me prosper, not harm you, to give you hope and a future. I'm paraphrasing of course (Jeremiah 29:11). Nice little reminder, I may be DYING for things to speed up and move along but I shouldn't fret God plan out everything so it not happening haphazardly or is a by chance thing.

*chuh* (man) I just need to know everything happens in its own time, don't/(right)?  That's what I think we need to do. What do you think?

In terms of my overall Christian Journey having an issue with church attendance though, need to reason with you bout dat, in do next post

( Having an issue with church attendance though need to speak/type/share that with you in the next post)

Ya suh it dat, Thanks for reading :)

[yup,that's all thanks for reading :) ]

FOLLOW ON BLOGLOVIN 

(ya one stop spot for all blog related)

https://www.bloglovin.com/blogs/confused-wonderer-14592859